Tomorrow, besides being a Tuesday and not having to bear the burden of being the Godawful first day of the week but neither can boast to be the middle of the week - a signifier that even if you haven't done anything your being alive has brought you closer to having a day off, is a special day. It will be the one year anniversary of the day I started this blog.
Now, I won't cry - not because my tear ducts were destroyed during my tour of 'Nam, but because when I do my body shakes in uncontrollable dry heaves and makes typing/blogging/complaining impossible, even though I shed no tears but still make a sad clown face but without the round nose and ominous overtones. And honking, too.
But, as I restart this blog after months of neglect after having to abandon it due to censorship controls, I'm really quite happy to know I'm continuing something I enjoyed back then, and still do now. It may prove to be irrelevant in a fast-food society with an appropriate concentration as well, but it's important to me.
Even though I may be wrong, and worse - not funny - it's great to have an outlet again. I can't say what I write is funny; sometimes I myself don't find it funny. I'm trying to make arguments and points that people just aren't interested in even if I had my requisite team of lawyers and experts behind me.
My blog has never been about yakking about my life, or promoting myself, or seeking the cause of celebrity. It can probably be said you can read my blog and have no idea who I am or what my favorite color is (blue). So why do it for the wrong reasons?
I'd argue it's reason enough to take a stand and try to make sense in a world and is constantly trying to make sense for you. I often dream up the most ridiculous arguments, and then try to prove them - even if I don't believe them - as an exercise in articulation.
The reason why is that as individuals that's basically all we have: our opinions and our beliefs. If we don't articulate them first these most personal defining characteristics are up for grabs by active forces who need your dollar, your vote, your attention, your love.
I've said this before: that money in your pocket isn't yours. It's spent already, as is your paycheck you haven't received yet. Your loyalty to brands and your idolization of material items deemed to be valuable make you working for them, not yourself. Your vote isn't yours if you vote for the status quo because you scared of the things that haven't happened rather than making the right choice for the right reasons; you're just voting that way along with the other electoral cattle because change is terrible and constant.
Is your love your own love? Or do we after a while heal over the wound where we've let in our significant other to the most vulnerable part of us? Does "love" before a custom thereafter, a series of compromises and fully delineated lines drawn across the battlefield, as it is since real love - like first love, true love - is a passion that burns and torments and can do nothing but hurt?
Okay, so I'm a cynic; but that's my point - I know I a cynic because I've articulated it myself. However, it is in articulating my doubts, my criticisms, my complaints that I've become hopeful in scanning into the future, my future, the unknown.
For me, it's okay to say "I don't know". I don't know a great many things, but it's not okay to say "I don't know because I won't think about it".
Maybe it's the artist in me who is trying to withstand the constant pressure to abide by outside influences. Maybe I'm just stubborn in thinking my personal untraveled difficult road is the only road for me. But as my life is my own, no one else will live it for me, so too are my responsibilities, my regrets, my dreams, my failures, and my beliefs and opinions.
I don't believe this is at all being arrogant to think we absolutely need to express ourselves; in fact, I think it's a humble stance to stand up to speak for yourself and shoulder the possibility of being wrong.
With that, I'd like to signal a slight objective shift for lasttoblame: from now on I'm going to include other topics besides video games. For one, I'd like to test how wrong I can be about everything else, but more to the point I've moved and don't have a game system, TV, or a house to plug them into. Any new game non-reviews will be far off, though I've played so many (old)games to this point I will have lots to write about.
And so, a year older to add to my credibility, I happy to say I still haven't grown up. See you in the later posts.